I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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