I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
