im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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