Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
