you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
