These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
