Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
