in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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