I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
