After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
