I'm lost and stupid without you.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
