Im at strip club and am horny
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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