This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
