Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
