You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
