girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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