Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
