Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
