i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
