We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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