you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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