I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
