Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize