tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
