i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
