Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
ok first of all what the fuck
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
