I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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