Already got asked if we're dating
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
