remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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