To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
