I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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