at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
