I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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