What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
