By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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