honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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