i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
