i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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