i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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