dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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