There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
