I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
