Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
