I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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