Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
