it was like his penis was on wheels.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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