i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
