I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
