Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
