Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize