I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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