Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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