I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize