i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
