I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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