yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
