i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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