i permit you to call me
I'm drive I can fine osifer
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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