She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
