love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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