i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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