my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
