dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
birth control should be required to get into college
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
