hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
