he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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