Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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