I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
