He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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