420 ftw
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
