Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
