That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
