The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
