I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
