drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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