So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
