im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
