I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
