I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
